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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Disclaimer: I find this perfectly acceptable humor, I just copied and pasted from the e-mail I received.

Socially Unacceptable Humor

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg!

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor…she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

A wife says to her husband, “you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.” He says, “what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.”

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa.

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular-people porn, you sick bastard!

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
 

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i guess it would depend on your social circles as to whether or not they're socially unacceptable now wouldn't it ... :D:D
 

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Coonasian
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1,833 Posts
He He! I think it'll fly pretty good on this forum. "Political correctness" doesn't seem to get a lot of support here. One of the reasons I love the place! :beer:
 

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There was this other gay friendly jeep site I was banned from that would fine you and tar and feather you for those there jokes sir? I however may steal a couple for my Christmas cards this year if you do not mind?
 

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Gunnery Sergeant USMC (ret)
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22,082 Posts
Why did the woman cross the street?
The real question is who let her out of the house.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, she better have it open when she brings it to me.

Why doesn't a woman need a watch?
There's a clock on the stove.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you already told her twice.
 

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CalmerThanYouAre
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9,377 Posts
Read these out loud to the wife last night. We both got good laughs out of several of them.
:beer:

I got a good belly laugh from this one!
Disclaimer: I find this perfectly acceptable humor, I just copied and pasted from the e-mail I received.

Socially Unacceptable Humor

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg!

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor…she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
A wife says to her husband, “you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.” He says, “what do you expect? You're in a wheelchair.”

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa.

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular-people porn, you sick bastard!

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
 

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Charity Golf Tournament

Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament.

At first I said, 'Naaahhh!'

Then they said to me 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind Kids.'

Then I thought...



Fuck - I could win this!'
 
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