[Hartj17]

I've posted before that my wife and I were looking for a good TJ for out daughters first car. I must say I really didn't think it was going to be this hard to find a freaking clean car that wasn't too old, yet still looked like it was in good shape.

Our endeavors led us from Austin Texas to the deep Texas Valley, and even all the way over to Houston just to "look" at a few jeeps that where supposed to be in "pristine" shape. The first one I looked at was in Victoria Texas, and at the time I kicked myself for not buying it. Looking back on it I must say I'm actually not all that upset that I didn't buy it. Initially the Jeep looked great, it was a 99 with around 100k on it, but the paint on it look almost new. After taking it for a drive I came back and crawled underneath it. The entire undercarriage had been rattle-caned with bed-liner and greased all to hell. When I got home I called the dealer back to ask some questions and the main one was about the rattle can. With Victoria being so close to the beach, I wanted to make sure that the damn thing wasn't completely rusted out on the underside, and needed to make sure they where not trying to hide something. He explained to me that he new the previous owner and didn't feel right asking him about it, so I refused to pull the trigger. One down.

 

[Hartj17]

On my way back from Victoria I stopped by another dealership that had informed me they had a 98 TJ that was in great shape and was a one owner. It took me all of about 30 seconds standing 10 feet from the jeep to know that there was no way in hell I was going to buy this thing. Luckily the guy I came to see about it was at lunch, or I would have throat punched the mouth breathing troglodyte for lying to me about a 1999 Jeep TJ that looked like it had just went though Afghanistan during the bombing campaign and having come up just short of a direct hit from at JDAM. Strike Two.

 

[Hartj17]

I was striking out so I got on Craigslist and started emailing people. I have always heard stories about Craigslist. How it's the cream de la cream of the society. That being the society of Meth Heads trying to sell shit that seriously should be taken to a junk yard and scrapped. I figured since I was striking out and didn't really believe my friends about the scammers and such on CL, fuck it... what did I have to lose. I sent emails out to about 45 different people ranging from Northeast Dallas, Texarkana, Brownsville, Lubbock, Houston, and of course right here in Austin. In all honesty, I only had 4 people even contact me back. Strike 3.... Now I'm starting to get pretty shitty about this whole car buying experience.

 

[Hartj17]

I start thinking to myself.... who the hell do I know in Austin that seems like a stand up guy? You know, one of those types of guys that sits around all day eating shitty microwave food and MRE's because he just doesn't have enough time in his day to fix a proper meal for the simple fact he's sending jeep parts to god and everybody. I must say, Marcus Rose from RiverCity Offroad fielded a TON of calls and looked at a ton of pictures while I was on the road. Thank you Marcus for putting up with my shit!!!

Marcus puts me on the right blood path to find exactly what I'm looking for and what I really don't. He tells me about a place in Houston that should have exactly what I'm looking for. I figure, hell Houston isn't that far away (3 1/2 hours), and not to mention I have Thursday and Friday off after getting back from the Valley looking at Jeeps..... what the hell, lets see if the Valley Trip turns up anything, and if it doesn't I'll drive my happy ass over to Houston.

 

[Hartj17]

The Valley Trip:

I get a phone call from a guy who wan'ts to show me his TJ. I tell they guy, "Look man, what I'm looking for is a really clean Jeep. I'm not going to lie to you, I've looked at a ton of jeeps and they have all been shit. If it's not clean, please don't waste anyone's time by telling me a lie and saying it's good to go." He agree's and tells me that what he has sounds exactly like what I'm looking for.

On my way over to look at this jeep I stop by Barnes and Nobles because another guy from the Valley decided to call right before I leave. I agree to look at what he has, not to mention his dad just died and he was really looking to off load the jeep. Nice guy, jeep just wasn't what I was looking for.

I drive down to Brownsville to look at this other jeep previously mentioned. When I drive up I noticed that the fenders are rusted, the hood looks worse that Rosanne's hail damaged legs and the entire inside of the jeep looks as if it was just pulled from the depths of the ocean. Smelled of dog shit and dead fish. Clean huh? This is when I realized that everyone has a different definition of clean.

Screw this..... I guess I'll drive to Houston.

 

[Hartj17]

Back in my hotel room after finishing up business calls I get on the phone with Select Jeeps from Houston. This is the place that Marcus was telling me about. I explain to the guy what I'm looking for and the price range I want to stay in. He tells me about their website and I get on my laptop and look at the vehicles he is telling me about. He explains that it might be a little hard to find exactly what I'm looking for, but it might be worth my while to see what they had. To be clear, this guy did tell me the drive was a haul and that it might not be what I was looking for.

With that being said, I jump on facebook and sign up for a Jeep group that sells and swaps parts. Eventually I get hooked up with another Houston area dealer who specializes in jeeps. I get the website, talk to the guy, and I decided that if I was in Houston, why the hell not look at this other place too. Looking through their website I find a TJ that my wife absolutely loves and so do I. I tell the guy to give me his best price over the phone.... he does.... and he's not moving on the price. $12,000 it is, take it or leave it.

We get to Select Jeeps and I must say, very classy guys that work there. They know their stuff, and they directed me to the exact things we were looking for. Unfortunately we just didn't see anything that said buy me, and we decided to move on.

We get to the next dealership and right off the bat I know this thing isn't work 12K. Paint is faded, top is ripped, gearshift knob comes off in my hand after shifting from first to second..... needless to say the wife is less than thrilled. When we get back to the dealership, the guy has another one ready to go. She is all started up and getting cooled down and I can already tell that my wife is done. She's hungry, angry from driving 3 1/2 hours to see something she knows she isn't going to buy. I oblige the dealer and take out the second jeep. Right round the 25mph mark there is an insidious squealing noise like a condor coming to rip the top of the jeep off. As we approach 30 its getting worse, and by 40 my wife's exact words were... "take this fucking thing back before I make you drop it in the bay"

We get back to the dealership and I inform the guy about the second jeep and how it's a total no go for us. The other one, well, we may just be able to deal. First things first though, we need food and the wife and I need to talk it over. After lunch we decided to call they guy and tell him no thank you. He asked me how far we were off? Being nice I told him I had looked at a few other jeeps of similar mileage and similar shape, all of them being below 10K. Basically in a nutshell he tells me to piss off..... back on the road we go.

 

[Hartj17]

On our way back from Houston my wife goes fucking nuts with the iPad. She's emailing every Tom, Dick, and Harry from Craigslist, which for the record I explain is a bad idea. Tweeker boy from the Valley had taught me that lesson, and at this point was a good lesson learned. Guy reminded me of Mexican Jesse Pinkman off of breaking bad, and I'm not talking about a clean Jesse Pinkman either.

As we approach Austin I get a phone call from a guy. Now, remember I have no idea who the hell my wife has given my number too on craigslist. I answer the phone call and on the other end is a normal person asking me about looking at his jeep. He want's to know if I can come see it tonight. Being the nice guy I am I ask for him to text me some pictures of the vehicle and tell me which one it is. He explains that the TJ is a 04 with 58K original miles on it. Tells me again, great condition of a 10 year old jeep.

Are you ready for this? We get to the guys place and the jeep.... the jeep.... no fucking way it's got 58K original miles on it. The battery had overheated and sprayed battery acid all over the hood and fenders. The inside of the damn thing smelled like Bob Marley had a party in it, and the vibration about 15mph in the drive line is unbearable.

Can it be this hard to find a TJ?

 

[JKCTAZ]

Just in your shithole part of the world...

A small sample of what's available in Phoenix right now, under 10k...

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/wvl/cto/5234549146.html

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/nph/cto/5234751253.html

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/cto/5172410394.html

 

[Hartj17]

The next morning after the Bob Marley experience I get a call at 7am. Again, it's from some guy my wife got ahold of from Craigslist. Thankfully she wasn't on the Casual Encounters sections and this guy is calling about some jeep. Since my wife and I are off for the day and getting ready to drop the kids off at school, I ask the guy when he wants to meet? His response is right now..... Right now? It's 7 fucking am... Oh, you just got off night shift? Great, now I'm going to meet some night shift guy about a jeep and possibly lose my kidneys.

My wife and I decided what the hell. We've traveled all over the fucking state looking for a Jeep, worst case senario is we see the guy, tell him to piss off, and get ourselves some breakfast. While we are waiting I ask to see the pictures of the jeep that he posted. Of course they are very vague in nature and really don't show a damn thing. The add to my knowledge also doesn't say the mileage, and after lastnight, I've decided that people ha e been swapping clusters out at 250,000 miles.

Night shift boy shows up and low and behold this thing from the outside looks good. So far, so good and I still have all my organs. We open the jeep up and the inside is a little dusty, has some grass (lawn no the good stuff) on the inside, but other than that this is one clean jeep. We take her out for a spin and I must say, I was rather impressed. This little TJ is fun to drive and even though she's bone stock it rides great and before I know it I'm unzipping Windows and flying through the gears without a care in the world.

 

[Hartj17]

Just in your shithole part of the world...

A small sample of what's available in Phoenix right now, under 10k...

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/wvl/cto/5234549146.html

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/nph/cto/5234751253.html

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/cto/5172410394.html

These are the same kind of craigslist post I would call and email. Damn cave dwellers wouldn't respond back LOL

 

[Hartj17]

After looking at the jeep my wife and I decided to make the guy an offer. He's asking 13k and I shoot ole Marcus a text asking what he thinks. In between his Cheetos and Diet Mt Dew fits, he shoots me a text back and say offer him x and see what happens.

I offer him a price and he balks at it. When he counter offers I tell him I need to ask the boss if she's ok on the price. I'm on my way to Austin to visit with my wife and have lunch with her. In the mean time I'm on a conference call and they dude is blowing up my phone like a psychotic ex girlfriend. He's now freaking out about his counter offer, but little does he know $500 is going to break the deal on this. We are set to go and. I've already got ahold of the bank

 

[Hartj17]

That day I drive down to San Antonio and talk to USAA about getting me a check cut for Johnny Nightshift. 5 min max and I'm done with USAA. While driving home I talk with Marcus and we joke that I literally have driven a grand total of about 10-12 hours looking for a fucking TJ and I end up buying one not 15 miles from my house.

The next day my wife and I pick up the Jeep. We drive the JK over just for shits and giggles and Johnny Nightshift almost shits his pants when he sees it. We pick up the jeep, drop him off at his apartment and off we go to Party City. Ok, ok... I can just hear the comments coming now...

We get to Party City because I, not my wife, have a grand fucking idea. Im fillin this bitch up with balloons and a big ass red bow. If youre gonna do it, you might as well do it right.

 

[Hartj17]

Before I post the video, you have to know a little background Info. I've been telling my daughter every day for the last year "look at that Prius", "honey I really think you should get a Prius". It's been Prius this, and Prius that for months. Every time I bring up something about a vehicle she's always just hanging her head and saying "dad, seriously I'm not expecting anything. I know you'll probably get me a Prius, and honestly, as long as it has AC, I'll take gettin picked on in stride because I know cars aren't cheep."

Last month we started umpiring together. She gets $40 a game and if I'm out there with her I give her half of my $40. I asked her one night, "hey bear... Where the hell are you keeping all that cash?" She tells me, "I have a christmas stocking in my closet, it's label "jeep fund".

I'll let the video speak for itself.

https://youtu.be/IfY7l2aBmd4

 

[JKCTAZ]

Great video, man! Tell her that we all think it's funny that she thought that she was getting Prius!

 

[RiverCityOffroad]

I DO NOT DRINK DIET ANYTHING THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

 

[Hartj17]

Maybe that was Miller Lite?