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post #12926 of 13165 Old 10-10-2019, 10:37 PM
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Cod and Banshee like this.

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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post #12927 of 13165 Old 10-11-2019, 03:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clone7
When you die, you see your life going by in a flash.

Steve Jobs didn't - Apple doesn't support Flash.
This message has been reviewed & approved by the NSA, Google and Microsoft.
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post #12928 of 13165 Old 10-11-2019, 08:57 PM
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un lupus likes this.

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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post #12929 of 13165 Old 10-12-2019, 10:13 AM
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What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a pussy in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted shit in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The shit/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your asshole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shit fart as it gurgled out of your ass.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have shit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your asshole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your asshole's broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a shit stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

-unknown
ALASHA, Cod and rich6700 like this.

Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12930 of 13165 Old 10-12-2019, 02:57 PM
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Mother of God. 10 oz all at once. You might as well relocated to the.crapper.

NDTguy

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post #12931 of 13165 Old 10-12-2019, 07:53 PM
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Nice nail polish 💅

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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post #12932 of 13165 Old 10-12-2019, 08:23 PM
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Shit, that’s reminiscing of Stub at the one toilet between Houston and Austin. Where the fuck is that thread? Something about Texas-Mexican food (ie Tex-Mex) which is down right shitty for your butthole. Something about chili (think Wolf brand) mixed with salsa (not Pace picante) that doesn’t do your insides justice.


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post #12933 of 13165 Old 10-13-2019, 09:15 PM
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priell3 and JJS2 like this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clone7
When you die, you see your life going by in a flash.

Steve Jobs didn't - Apple doesn't support Flash.
This message has been reviewed & approved by the NSA, Google and Microsoft.
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post #12934 of 13165 Old 10-14-2019, 12:47 AM
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priell3 and un lupus like this.

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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post #12935 of 13165 Old 10-14-2019, 01:27 AM
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priell3 likes this.

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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post #12936 of 13165 Old 10-14-2019, 11:45 PM
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priell3, Treader, ExWrench and 4 others like this.

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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post #12937 of 13165 Old 10-15-2019, 10:01 PM
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priell3, Cod, WarMachine and 4 others like this.

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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post #12938 of 13165 Old 10-17-2019, 09:37 AM
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priell3 and Banshee like this.

Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12939 of 13165 Old 10-17-2019, 09:46 AM
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un lupus likes this.

Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12940 of 13165 Old 10-17-2019, 06:59 PM
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Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12941 of 13165 Old 10-18-2019, 06:27 AM
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2010 Silver JKU
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post #12942 of 13165 Old 10-18-2019, 03:14 PM
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Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12943 of 13165 Old 10-19-2019, 08:21 AM
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priell3 and un lupus like this.

Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12944 of 13165 Old 10-19-2019, 10:48 PM
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priell3 and un lupus like this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clone7
When you die, you see your life going by in a flash.

Steve Jobs didn't - Apple doesn't support Flash.
This message has been reviewed & approved by the NSA, Google and Microsoft.
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post #12945 of 13165 Old 10-20-2019, 12:13 AM
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If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
______
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post #12946 of 13165 Old 10-20-2019, 09:26 AM
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Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12947 of 13165 Old 10-20-2019, 06:42 PM
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Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
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post #12948 of 13165 Old 10-21-2019, 08:13 AM
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Has anyone seen the new Back to the Future trailer?

If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
______
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post #12949 of 13165 Old 10-21-2019, 03:30 PM
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Sure my rig has seen the trail, but I wheel it like a soccer mom looking for a parking spot at Nordstroms.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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post #12950 of 13165 Old 10-22-2019, 01:21 PM
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If you're gonna be fucking weird, own it.

~SoCo
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