Sorry, i had to lol at the thread title...
I am from Des Moines, so I can laugh with ya on lack of places to do anything offroad.
Tuttle Creek and Kansas Rocks and as mentioned Halsey are going to be your closest offroad parks.
A few more hours away and you get Disney OK, or SMORR, MO.
The long drive to the Rockies would always be my choice
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