Just Random Funny ****

[Fnord5]

She isn't carrying it properly.
A 1911 is supposed to be carried "cocked and locked"

[SoCo_Fox]

~SoCo

[ssnimrod]

Originally Posted by Fnord5

She isn't carrying it properly.
A 1911 is supposed to be carried "cocked and locked"

Correct, and her belt is far to thin.

Always carry with a good quality 1-3/4" wide belt, cause its going to "ride" down her leg.

[Blackout]

Originally Posted by SoCo_Fox

~SoCo

By far the coolest thing iv seen on this interweb..
You sir are my hero. No homo

[kkuntz01]

Originally Posted by neoxxis

Is that even a Jeep?

Found the below on the interwebs. Can't vouch for it's validity, but sure makes for a nice story...

Tagline: Merissa Bailey has a bizarre relationship with her 4x4, but insists it's better than any man

Article: Like most women in love, Merissa Bailey can't wait to kiss and cuddle up to her other half. Merissa, 31, doesn't get any affection back because the 'guy" she's in love with is a car.

The promotion manager who's been in a relationship manager with her Cherokee Jeep "Jason" for 10 years, says she could never give him up. Bizarrely, she has penetrative snu snu with the gear stick every day and boasts the car is the best lover she's ever had.

She says: "The snu snu is amazing and I climax every time. I don't wear knickers in the car and when I'm feeling horny, I find a quiet place, park up, and lie face down on the seat and rub myself against the seat covering. It's the best feeling. You can talk to cars and they don't talk argue back."

Merissa is one of a handful of "car lovers," called mechaphiles, and she says her obsession started as a teen. She recalls: "I lost my virginity when I was 16, in a car, and realised I was more turned on by the car. All I could think about was the feel of the leather seat, the steering wheel and touching the gear stick."

Merissa tried dating other boys, but found she couldn't get excited unless they were in a car. By 19, she could no longer fight her urges so, one night, she borrowed her mum's 1975 Beetle.

She says: "I went for a drive and began feeling really aroused. I pulled over into a secluded spot and started caressing the gear stick until I had an orgasm."

Then, in 2000, she bought a second-hand Toyota for €600 and "had snu snu" with it. But it wasn't until she came across a Jeep for sale near her home that she fell in love. Merissa says: "As soon as I laid eyes on Jason, I wanted him. He was [garbled] gold and his interior was strong and [hunky? sorry]. I knew he was The One."

Merissa took out a €4,500 loan to buy the car and has been smitten ever since. She spends half her day in the Jeep and even sleeps in it while working away.

Merissa, from San Diego, USA, says: "I'd rather sleep in Jason than a hotel bed. Some nights, I sit in Jason with a glass of wine. I share any problems with him and I know he listens. We have snu snu every day - I think of the gear stick as his drill. I wrap myself in a towel and have snu snu with it. I love kissing and licking the steering wheel and seat belts. When we drive over speed bumps, I often orgasm."

Merissa hid her urges for years until she decided to see a counsellor. All her friends were settling down and she worried about being different.

She reveals: "I was told I have a condition called objectum sexuality, where people fall in love with objects. Finally, I could share my secret with people who really understand."

Sadly, when Merissa told her friends, most of them shunted her. So she went on mechaphile forums online to meet some like-minded people. She adds: "I do worry about the future. I want to have kids one day - but I can't leave Jason. I worry how hell age - even the slightest scratch has me in tears. but when he's old and rusty, I'll keep him. You can't help who you fall in love with."

[spillidge]

Who names their kid merrisa? No wonder she fucks jeeps

[Dancin Dan]

Originally Posted by kaptkrappy

"She reveals: "I was told I have a condition called objectum sexuality, where people fall in love with objects. Finally, I could share my secret with people who really understand."

Sadly, when Merissa told her friends, most of them shunted her. So she went on mechaphile forums online to meet some like-minded people. She adds: "I do worry about the future. I want to have kids one day - but I can't leave Jason (her Jeep Cherokee). I worry how he'll age - even the slightest scratch has me in tears. but when he's old and rusty, I'll keep him. You can't help who you fall in love with."

There really is a FORUM for everything !
.

Well fuck you for not making that a link. Thought I was gonna learn something. Dick:

Originally Posted by kkuntz01

Dude, you have no idea how appropriate that is right now. Know what's more dangerous than a company that's "too big to fail"?

The too big to fail company FAILING and filing a ch11 bk, which gives them immunity to lawsuits. Imagine the abuses if the leashes were off.

[neoxxis]

[kaptkrappy]

Originally Posted by kaptkrappy

"She reveals: "I was told I have a condition called objectum sexuality, where people fall in love with objects. Finally, I could share my secret with people who really understand."

Sadly, when Merissa told her friends, most of them shunted her. So she went on mechaphile forums online to meet some like-minded people. She adds: "I do worry about the future. I want to have kids one day - but I can't leave Jason (her Jeep Cherokee). I worry how he'll age - even the slightest scratch has me in tears. but when he's old and rusty, I'll keep him. You can't help who you fall in love with."

There really is a FORUM for everything !
.

Originally Posted by Dancin Dan

Well fuck you for not making that a link. Thought I was gonna learn something. Dick:

FIFE (fixed it for everyone) mechaphile forums

,

[Grimscale]

Originally Posted by Fnord5

She isn't carrying it properly.
A 1911 is supposed to be carried "cocked and locked"

wanna bet there isn't even one in the chamber.



amateurs!

[ssnimrod]

Originally Posted by Grimscale

wanna bet there isn't even one in the chamber.



amateurs!

Then its just a really expensive club

[FosDad]

Originally Posted by Grimscale

wanna bet there isn't even one in the chamber.



amateurs!

Probably not as most open carry laws do not allow one to be in the chamber.

[SoCo_Fox]

~SoCo

[thaduke2003]

^ FUCKING AWESOME- Mark W.

[Rtone1583]

@ SoCo - I think if he ever does anything to lose you he should be taken out an flogged for general purposes. That is one hell of a gift!

[SoCo_Fox]

I found it on the internet. It wasn't mine. Thought it was pretty brilliant, though, and that you all would like it.

~SoCo

[prazbotta]

Just found this again....... not sure if there is an update:

The Code of Men.

I cannot take credit for this masterwork. I am not sure how many legions of brave men died writing this. It first appeared in Maxim, the best magazine ever written. It was sent to me by the very manly Tian Tang of Arizona State University.


Thou shall not rent Chocolat

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call “Bullshit!” Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%

If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is strictly optional.)

Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

Before dating a buddies ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return is required to grant it.

Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem — you didn’t see nothin’.

The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

Your girlfriend must bond with your buddies’ girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pals (significant dick-heads — low level sports bonding) is all the law requires.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach. And it’s delivered by a topless supermodel. And it’s free.

Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin,” you may sit back and enjoy.

Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: “Yeah, baby, push it!” “C’mon, give me one more!” “Harder!” “Another set and we can hit the showers.” “Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.

If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be referring to his beer.

Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.

Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him ... too gay.

Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fuck off!” You are absolved of your of responsibility.

The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments.

[ms5490renegade]

Sent via row boat

[Dancin Dan]

Originally Posted by SoCo_Fox

EPIC ZOMBIE KIT FOR KIDS~SoCo

Feckin awesome!

[Dancin Dan]

Originally Posted by Rtone1583

@ SoCo - I think if he ever does anything to lose you he should be taken out an flogged for general purposes. That is one hell of a gift!

Uhm...

Originally Posted by SoCo_Fox

I found it on the internet. It wasn't mine. Thought it was pretty brilliant, though, and that you all would like it.
~SoCo

And no rebuttal about SoCo being into man ass. ok then.

[prazbotta]

[SoCo_Fox]

Originally Posted by Dancin Dan

Uhm...



And no rebuttal about SoCo being into man ass. ok then.

LOL. I didn't read it that way. Some guy made it for his kid, I read that post as saying I made it for my son. The first place your mind went was "man ass"?

~SoCo

[jacktuttle]

I did not know this ...

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart Problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your friends.

[prazbotta]

[TEXASKEV]

^HA! Funny