I need suggestions for both gun and rounds, my .22 rifle is not going to cut it in this situation and I dont really feel the .357 is idea for this situation either.... I also need one my girlfriend can shoot if needed. We both would go to the gun range on a regular basis (because what good is it if you can shoot it?).
Here's my take on it FWIW.
Anybody can shoot a revolver, they require little maintenance, and pretty much always go bang. The manual of arms is pretty simple and there isn't much to get wrong when the SHTF. A .357 revolver can shoot .38Special, which is likely to be a lot easier for a female to shoot.
A Glock is also very simple to operate and pretty much idiot proof. Hot 9x19 and .40 rounds will do the job well and are very easy to shoot.
While a 1911 style gun is my favorite to shoot, the manual of arms is a little more complex and under high stress fine motor skills may not be what they could be, and unless you have practiced sufficiently to gain good muscle memory, there is the potential for something going wrong.
A lot comes down to personal preference on both handgun and ammo choice. Marginal rounds like 9x19 will do the job just fine, especially in hot loads, shot placement is more important than caliber choice in many instances. That said .45ACP is a great round choice and will do the job very well in just about every instance.
Practice, practice, and more practice is the biggest thing in my book. I don't meaning just shooting bullseye either, but shooting on the move, shooting weak hand as well as strong hand, low light, jam clearing, etc. Many of these skills can be practiced at local IDPA matches.
As to ammo, I'd stick with quality JHP, and practice with it along with your usual practice ammo. The problem with much of the exotic personal defense ammo, like Glaser and Mag safe is that it is so expensive that most people don't practice with it, so you don't know well it will function in your forearm, and at a time of high stress you are shooting an unfamiliar ammo with an unfamiliar fell. Good JHP is a better choice in my view, but if you are going to choose some exotic ammo due to wall penetration concerns etc, then I'd suggest only loading 1 or 2 rounds of it followed by some quality JHPs.